Welcome to my Blog
Hello hello hello and welcome to my blog!! I’m really excited to start this as it’s something I’ve thought about doing for a while now. I finally feel ready to get it up and going! I have been trying to be a lot more active throughout lockdown 3.0 (and hopefully will continue to be after…) so I feel like starting this blog is such a good idea for me right now.
The reason I want to push myself to be more active online during this lockdown is mainly because of how inactive I was in the previous ones… I kept telling myself I should post more but I found it difficult to come online and act positive to try and keep people motivated while I wasn’t feeling at all positive myself. Lockdown 1.0 put me in quite a bad place mentally for a number of reasons… I couldn’t continue to work which meant I started worrying about money (at this point I was too scared to make the jump and take my business online). It landed one month before I was supposed to travel to India to do a yoga course so that I could expand my business (still waiting patiently for this to happen… who knows when it will but I know it will be worth the wait). I didn’t have much equipment to train myself at the time and was struggling to stay motivated with home workouts. I also felt very lonely as I decided to stay at my boyfriends family home (for what I thought would be 3 weeks… almost 1 year later I’m still here haha!) and quickly started to miss my family under the circumstances; as well as this, he became super busy with work and finishing his dissertation which meant I was spending a lot of my time alone with my own thoughts. To be honest, I was just generally frustrated with the world and everything in it. But only now do I understand that it was okay to feel that way and that I wasn’t the only one feeling this way. A lot of the productivity that we see on social media doesn’t go beyond that and people often aren’t as happy and positive as they appear to be online. It was very uncertain times (and still is!!) so it was perfectly normal to not know how to feel or what to do… We're only human! I’ve came to realise that being more active online could have actually helped me through that lockdown (certainly with feelings of loneliness), but at the time I was very much set on the fact that I didn’t want to push my feelings aside so that I could fake being happy online, I just wanted to take some time out to deal with them.
That being said, so much has changed since then! I am in a much better place mentally. I finally took the leap to taking (some of… so far!) my work online and I’m super excited for the future of my business. I’ve accepted the world for what it is right now and I trust that, when the time is right, we will be able to explore the beauty in it again. I am now lucky enough to have access to equipment as, thankfully, we set up a home gym back in November (training plays such a huge role in keeping me sane! It makes me feel my strongest mentally and physically and I’d be lost without it). I also don’t feel lonely anymore. I still miss my family, of course, but I think the fact that I’m no longer just sitting around moping by myself has helped me so much (going from a busy and active lifestyle to doing nothing day in, day out was draining and made me feel like crap and like my days had no purpose). I’m keeping my mind occupied this time around, and through work I now have the pleasure of speaking to my clients pretty much everyday, which I feel is giving me more of a purpose right now.
In short, I’m no longer letting my worries hold me back. They’re still there, of course, and as someone who has always struggled with anxiety I don’t think they’ll ever disappear completely… but I’m getting better everyday at dealing with them and pushing past them. One thing I’m struggling to overcome (but still working at it every day) is my fear of talking on camera as whenever I try to I literally crumble and can’t put my words together. There are so many things that I want to talk about and I have so much to say, but every attempt leaves me upset and frustrated at myself. This got me thinking about how much easier I find it to type up what I’m thinking/how I feel as opposed to physically talking about it (on camera or not) and how much more comfortable it makes me. I feel like I can talk about whatever I want without worrying about mixing up my words, stuttering, my mind going blank or saying the wrong thing… all of the things which come with the fear of speaking in person/in public/on camera. I find typing is actually quite relaxing and enjoyable for me, and realising that has been the main reason behind wanting to start this. So here we are, blog #1.
My blog isn’t going to be anything too formal, it’s just going to be an easy read on topics related to (but not limited to) health, fitness, mindset, travel, life… honestly just whatever is going on in my head at the time! I am really passionate about learning to understand myself and about self-improvement so I can continue to better myself, so I can’t wait to start sharing my thoughts and everything I learn along the way. Hopefully it can help you guys too! So if you’re looking for a sign to start doing something you’ve been putting off for a while, either because you’re worried about what people will think or in case it doesn’t turn out well, here is your sign! Do it!! You’ll only regret the things you didn’t do, and you never know how it’ll turn out if you don’t at least try it!
Jasmine :)